I’m home from London, things didn’t work out as expected and we didn’t get into the recording. Oh well it just means priority next time and an excuse to get down to London again!

All I can think about is getting back there! It’s 462 days until I’m there for the next five years, that’s all I want right now.

Nothing else seems right, Nottingham isn’t home it’s just where I live. I’m never happy here anymore through no fault of my own.

So I haven’t really updated this a whole lot recently. There hasn’t been a lot to say that springs to mind.

All that’s really going on in my life is a huge focus to lose weight, so far I’ve managed to drop half a stone and it’s still looking quite promising. I feel amazing about myself and this week I head to London to visit a friend and see Graham Norton being filmed, I’m so excited for it. I have two outfits already picked out things that I would never have even dreamed of wearing this time last year.

I visited my Daddy on Sunday it was a lovely sunny day with my brothers in the garden with yummy foods. Being there is making me happier each time I go, I never want to leave and my Step Mum’s offer of a place to live is becoming increasingly appealing. Saying that I’d miss my little set up here far too much, I stay in my room avoid everyone and everything as much as possible, go to work, go to the gym and then the odd trip away to a show is really all that happens now. I like it.

The simple life works for me.

Dear Mother, you are the reason I will never want to have children. The thought that someone could ever do the things you do to me, to their own child is honestly beyond me. Yes maybe you do suffer from depression but guess what so do I and I don’t feel the need to go around pinning my family to walls, seeing them bleed and cry right in front of me but still that not being enough to think twice about what you’re doing.

I’m sick of you sitting in front of friends and being all super nice and fake. The only time you cuddle me is when you’re around either your friends or mine, you only say I love you at the end of a phone call if you’re around someone. I don’t think you realise how utterly heart breaking that is to me. You’ve never once in my memory said you’re proud of me.

You’ve definitely perfected the art of shattering a person.

People not texting back after you ask them something pretty important is honestly one of my biggest pet hates yet if you take more than a few moments to reply the ‘Are you going to answer my question’ texts start to roll in. I’m starting to realise I have utterly useless friends, useless yet I wouldn’t change them for all the wine gums in the world!

Moving to London for University is going to change my life so much, all of the people I actually enjoy seeing live in and around London (other than Glasgow) but even so, getting to Glasgow will be much easier from London, God bless you megabus and you’re £6 tickets! The fact I can actually once again go out and see people I enjoy spending time with rather than the people I’ve just become used to seeing on nights out yet wouldn’t trust them with a single thing. More drunk passers by in the night than actual friends, I doubt we could ever have a conversation sobar.

I guess I’m just really glad I have things in motion to be nearer to the people I love and to be doing something with my life. Cutting ties with people is something I’ve become very good at I only talk to one person I went to school with after before having a group of almost 50 of us that would all go out together at weekends and I can honestly say I don’t miss any of them.